Broken Memories
by StrawberryJamTarts
Summary: What lies beyond is not the tale of some self-pitying little Mary-Sue who gets the guys she loves and manages to bend the world to her every whim. In real life, there are no happy endings. This is real life.


**(I don't own Death Note, because if I did then I'd be married to L.) **

This twisted tale begins on a gloomy January afternoon, the sky is grey and heavy with clouds. People drift aimlessly along the street outside the Orphanage. If I press my face up to the glass and squint, I can just about make out their faces, grizzled and scowling as they continue with their day-to-day business. This is where it all begins. Two people break away from the mist and approach the wrought iron gates. One is tall and one is short. The short one holds the hand of the tall one, his messy black hair escaping from his tightly wrapped scarf. I plan to slip down from the window sill, there is nothing strange about them as far as I can tell. My sneakers are faded and scuffed, I stare at them for a moment, then allow my eyes to travel back to the two people outside. Snow begins to fall, fragments swept up by the wind as they twist and turn through the air. The people stand there very still, the man looks down briefly at the child by his side then back up towards the building. I press my hand against the cold glass and stare. The child looks up towards me, even from this distance I can see his eyes. They are such big eyes, big and black. I do not look away and neither does he. We hold our gaze for some time, until the tall man at his side pushes open the gate and takes him into the gardens. I always hated the gardens, so perfectly pruned but never quite symmetrical, there was always one rose which escaped from the bush and forced it's way into the open. A rose that never quite matched the others, a tainted rose.

I wait until I cannot see them before making my way to the door and easing it open. I sneak out into the long, narrow corridor and crouch on the stairs, staring through the balusters at these strange new arrivals. The boy is standing on his own while the man talks to Roger, I recognize him as Wammy, the rarely seen founder of this institution. The boy looks towards me and I stare at him. His messy black hair, it sticks up at awkward angles and falls in front of his enormous dark eyes. He is short, a little shorter than me, and stands almost hunched up. He seems older than me, not by much, but there is a kind of wisdom he radiates, as if he's seen too much already. I do not flinch as he walks closer, his mouth slightly open as he looks up at where I sit.

"Who are you?" I ask softly, barely moving my lips as I gaze warily down at the small boy.

"L Lawliet." it is the single most important thing I will ever know.

In that moment, I learned what I never should have learned. I know something I should not know. I know his name.

I tilt my head to the side, choosing not to reveal my name in return.

"L!"

"Watari?"

"Don't wander off like that. Stay close."

The boy looks back up at me for a moment then turns and walks away towards the man he entered with. I lean over the bannister to watch him go. He doesn't look back. I drop back onto the staircase and slowly walk up towards my room, my laces trailing behind me as I slip inside and shut the door.

The following day I was summoned to Rogers' office. I wasn't used to having my existence recognized, so I had no idea why he could possibly want to talk to me. I waited outside his door for a few minutes, then knocked three times. There was silence for a moment.

"Enter."

I pushed the door open and frowned when I saw who was inside.

Roger was sitting at his desk, staring intently at the array of paperwork laid out in front of him. Wammy stood at his side, silently reading over Rogers' shoulder. There was a chair facing away from the door, and I could see the back of someone's head, dark messy hair I recognized immediately. The boy turned his head as I stepped inside, looking me up and down thoughtfully before turning back around to face the two men.

I walked forwards until I was standing beside the boy, but I didn't look at him.

"Sit." offered Roger, but I didn't move.

"Cake?"

I blinked and looked over at the boy. He was sat in a curious way, a plate of strawberry cake balanced on his knees.

"Ok." I said quietly.

He halved the cake with his fork and held out the plate. I smiled slightly as I saw he'd given me the half with a strawberry. I moved the strawberry back onto his half of the plate and started to eat my half of the cake. Roger cleared his throat but I refused to look over at him, focussing all my attention on the cake which I found to be incredibly tasty.

"D."

I finished my cake and stared at the frosting on my fingers, before popping those two fingers into my mouth and looking towards Roger. He pushed his glasses further up his nose.

"L?"

L leaned forwards and placed his empty plate on Rogers' desk. Then he sat back and wiped the corner of his mouth with his thumb. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, he seemed deep in thought.

"Watari." the boy said eventually, looking up expectantly towards Wammy.

"Miss D, I'm afraid your stay here will have to be terminated."

I hitched up my trousers and folded my arms, my head tilted to one side as I waited for him to continue.

"Though this site was admittedly set up to be an institution for the intellectually gifted and skilled, it is now to be reformed into a school in order to train a successor for L here."

I didn't move, but allowed my eyes to travel over to L once again. He was wearing a white, long-sleeved shirt and slightly scuffed jeans, both several sizes too big for him. It was only now that I noticed he wasn't wearing shoes or socks.

"You will be allocated another orphanage if you so wish, but it would also be permitted that you stay here and train to become L's successor yourself. We require your decision before tomorrow evening."

I licked my lips hesitantly.

"Is that all?" I asked finally.

Roger sighed.

"Yes, that is all."

L glanced at me, perhaps trying to read my expression, but got bored and looked away again, his hands resting on his knees in that curious position he sat. I turned and walked out of the room, my mind still processing the information I'd just been fed.

I kicked the door to and went to sit on the window sill. The snow from yesterday had settled into a thin, white blanket over the entire garden. The blood red roses were invisible, with only the inky blue one rearing it's head. A robin sat on the gates, chirping away to a silent world. I had decided I was going to stay here before I'd even left Rogers' office, this place was the closest thing to home I had left.

There was a knock at my door. I flinched and looked at it for a moment in confusion. Nobody ever knocked on my door normally. Pale fingers curled around the side and pushed the door open slightly, then a head with messy black hair appeared as well.

"I'm not interrupting anything...?" he enquired politely.

I shook my head and he stepped inside, tucking his hands back inside his pockets.

"I'm sure this is all very sudden for you, I can imagine you've lived here for years now."

"Since I was four."

"You plan to stay, I assume?"

"I don't plan to leave..."

He looked around awkwardly, clearly situations where he had to communicate with another human being face-to-face were baffling to him.

"There was never any choice really." I murmured, "I hate to disappoint and if I'd refused to take part in this strange successor training program I could imagine I'd have failed the first test."

"Yes, if there was any hesitation there would be less chance you would be an acceptable successor."

I nodded slowly and tugged absent-mindedly on one of my shoelaces. A bizarre competitive streak swelled up inside of me. I wanted to succeed at this, to prove I deserved to be in an institution for the gifted after all. In a few years, I aimed to be L's potential successor, through any means necessary.

BB wrapped me in a one-armed hug. I smiled into his shoulder and tried to ignore the growing lump in my throat and prickling in the corner of my eyes.

"Don't be stupid, you'll see me again." I told him firmly.

"You know there's no chance of that D, don't lie." he muttered gruffly, hiding his eyes from me as we broke the hug apart, "Japans a big place and your job is to stay under the radar."

I stared at the ground and chanced a sad smile, not able to meet his gaze in case I started crying. The business of the airport was a distraction enough, so I tried to focus on why I was leaving. BB was a friend, probably the first friend I'd ever had. None of the other kids at Wammy's talked to him because he was different. We were all different, but there was something just a little...wrong...about BB that they couldn't ignore. He didn't look it, with beach blonde hair he took just that little bit too much care of, and enormous baby blue eyes, he looked just like any other teenage boy. His name was a little strange admittedly, Beyond Birthday was not a name other boys had. I don't know if he'd chosen it himself, I'd never thought to ask.

"I'll miss you." I told him finally.

"I'll be lonely without you." he responded sheepishly.

"Sorry." I looked up at him apologetically, but saw him smiling.

"Don't worry about it, it's your first time abroad and you're fifteen, go enjoy yourself."

"I'll be back."

"I know."

Then I had to go, I was pushed along into the plane, I took my seat, the plane soared into the sky and England was left far behind. I stared out of the window, feeling slightly as though my stomach had been left behind back in England. I hadn't seen L since I confirmed I was going to train as his successor, he'd returned to Japan almost immediately afterwards, running the institution via laptop, through a voice changer. He never introduced himself as "L Lawliet" as he had when I met him, simply "L". That was when I first understood that the fact I knew his name was important, though I had no idea how important.

I flipped open my phone and held it to my ear, my eyes darting from screen to screen of the television shop.

"Are you seeing this?" I asked urgently, as soon as I heard a voice down the other end.

"Yes, it's insane. If Kira actually kills him-"

"I know, I just have to trust he knows what he's doing for once."

"He has a bit of a reputation for knowing what everyone's doing."

There was silence for a moment, I stared at the televisions and waited. L continued to rant, taunting Kira, demanding to be killed. It was strange to imagine that this was the same little 8-year-old boy I'd met back at Wammy's House all those years ago. Of course I'd heard from him since, but never directly. He often spoke to the children at Wammy's House, answering any questions they might have, but he spoke via laptop and nobody knew what he looked like, except me of course, I had always felt that little swelling of pride when I remembered that the other children had no idea what he actually looked like, or sounded like. I'd never asked any questions though, I'd never known quite what to say. I wondered for a moment whether L still remembered I existed, if he ever thought about me.

"You know, it looks to me like he isn't going to die." I was drawn suddenly back to reality with the sound of Mo's voice down the phone.

"Of course he wouldn't die." I sounded slightly indignant, "He must've known Kira needs a face to kill."

"But then surely he could kill anyone he wanted to?"

"Yes, but Kira has a strange God complex as far as I can tell. He seems to be under the impression that he actually IS justice. Egotistical as that sounds, I think that he believes he's making the world a better place. He wouldn't kill people who've done nothing wrong, or people who's crimes haven't been broadcast on the internet."

"That sounds twisted if you ask me."

"There's something I need you to check."

"Yes?"

"Have criminals who's names have been spelled incorrectly on the internet still died?"

"How would I find that out?"

"You have your ways. Can you find out by seven? I have something I need to do."

"Uh...sure."

The phone went dead and I replaced it in my pocket. Mo was good at finding out information that shouldn't be available to the public, he'd been a street criminal before I'd found him. I couldn't help that feel that unless we stopped Kira soon, everyone and anyone who'd ever bent the law would be "punished". Mo was certainly not safe, but while Kira was sticking with the major criminal's who'd committed horrific crimes, he wasn't in danger. It was when the world ran out of serial killers and rapists that he would be in trouble, and I hoped that was a few years away. A strange hope, but nevertheless, a justified one.

Times changed, I hadn't kept my promise to BB and hadn't contacted him since I'd arrived in Japan, I don't know what made me change my mind so suddenly but I realized how much of a risk it could be keeping in contact with someone so far away when I was supposed to be keeping a low profile. I was older and taller, nearly 22, but still wore the same clothes, my laces trailing behind me as they always did. Nobody ever assumed I just left them because I couldn't tie them, only BB knew that and he'd never tell. I'd donned a cloak when arriving in Japan, to help me stay undercover. It was too big for me, and on windy days I resembled a bat but it did the job and shielded my face, making it easy to slip into the shadows.

**(Okay, this is a L-O-N-G first chapter. I know it looks like she's a Mary-Sue right now, but I promise it's all going to fall apart soon. If you don't know who BB is, I'd recommend looking him up! Oh, and PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. It would mean literally the world to me if you did since I'm not sure if I want to continue with this...)**


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